


Choices

by gotham_ruaidh



Series: Gotham's non-"Imagine" writings [5]
Category: Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-03-01 15:53:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13298202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gotham_ruaidh/pseuds/gotham_ruaidh
Summary: A missing moment - the morning after Claire chooses Jamie at the stones, in Book 1. Written for mograidhjamie for the 2017 Outlander Secret Santa challenge.





	Choices

**Author's Note:**

> [originally posted on tumblr](https://gotham-ruaidh.tumblr.com/post/169344560191/choices)

The next morning – our first true morning – he was full of questions.

Were folk so different, in my time? Did we still have families and farms and horses?

What were the names on the map? What happened to Prussia, and the Ottomans, and the British Empire?

Was disease and war still so rampant?

Patiently I answered his questions, one by one. Leaning against him in the saddle, turning over my shoulder now and again for a quick, satisfying kiss.

The winter sun was bright in my face, warming my cheeks and burning the pale skin of my forehead. But the heat was nothing compared to the glow in my heart, the fire set by Jamie and his hands on me and the way his heart called out to my own.

Just three days to Lallybroch, he had said when we broke camp this morning – grasping hands, not willing to stop touching each other. Seeking to cement our bond, now that Jamie had given me the choice – and I had happily, ecstatically chosen him.

“Claire?”

I looked up from our hands, joined on the curve of my knee as we took a quick respite beneath a shady tree, Donas hobbled not too far away.

The smile was still there, tucked at the corners of his mouth. But his eyes – his eyes stormed.

“Yes?”

He licked his lips and settled closer against my side, eyes locked on mine.

“Ye ken ye dinna need to answer me on this question. Only – only, I do wonder. When ye marrit Frank…” he coughed. “What…what was it like?”

I settled the plaid closer around my shoulders. Surprised, but understanding. “The actual wedding, you mean?”

He nodded, running his thumb along the back of my knuckles. Tracing the gold ring – Frank’s ring – for the first time.

“Because you want to be able to compare it to ours?”

He said nothing, of course – those eyes still held mine. But he needed to hear. I knew he needed to hear.

“It wasn’t my choice, to get married. Well, not on that day, anyway.”

He swallowed then, hard. The pulse in his neck quickened – my darling lad was terrified.

“He didn’t force me – don’t think he did. Only, he proposed, right in front of the register office – and then we went in.”

It had been a damp day – one of those bright days before the War. I was wearing a new suit, and Frank had complimented my hat. He did always look so dashing in a fedora.

“Ye didna marry in a church, then? Did ye want to?”

I sighed. “I didn’t even think about it, to be honest. I just knew that Frank wanted to be married – and then I wanted to be married to him, and I didn’t want to wait.”

He nodded, processing.

“Not because I wanted to lie with him – we’d done that already.”

Jamie sat up a bit straighter then, eyes bugging.

“You have to understand – the War was brewing, and people were making all kinds of quick decisions – ”

“But does that make the marriage any less valid? That it was a quick decision?”

I turned to face him squarely. Took both of his hands in my own. Forced him to look at me.

“Don’t you dare go comparing our marriage to my first marriage. The circumstances couldn’t have been more different.”

He shook his head sadly – eyes shining with feeling. With tears?

“I disagree. Ye were forced to marry, at a moment’s notice. In circumstances that were beyond your control. To a man who wanted ye, and wanted to marry ye – but ye didna have any choice in the matter.”

“Stop it. Stop it right now. Things could not be more different.”

“How, Claire? How do I know that ye don’t feel the same way? That…” he sighed. Upset. Conflicted. Confused.

I squeezed his hands. “I won’t leave you. I *chose* you, Jamie. With everything I know about this country, this time – I know all of it, and I don’t care. I made an informed decision.”

“That’s the hell of it then, isn’t it, though?” He smiled at me – but the humor had left his eyes.

“Don’t you *dare* go questioning my ability to make a decision for myself.” Fury rushed through me – flushing my limbs with angry heat.

He opened his arms, then – and I went into them. Savoring his pulse against my forehead.

Never had I felt so safe – here, out on the open moor, clad in a ruined dress and my husband’s plaid, fleeing from accusations of witchcraft. It made no sense – but that was true of so many things that had happened to me since I first saw those forget-me-nots at the base of the standing stones.

“I dinna question yer choices, Claire.” His voice was soft, far away. “All I ever want to do is give you choices, when nobody else will.”

I pulled back a bit, brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

When he smiled this time, it lit up his whole face. Serene.

He pushed a few curls behind my ears. “On the day we wed, I let you choose when we lay together. Because even though ye didna have choice in marrying me, I could give you choice in how we come together as man and wife. And at Leoch, I let ye choose when to come back to me, after our terrible stramash. And yesterday, I let ye choose whether to stay, or to go.”

Now he kissed my forehead – lips warm, inviting.

“Ye didna choose to come here. Ye didna choose to wed me. And because I love you, I give you those choices back.”

I looked at him then for a very, very long time.

The dirt smudged against his cheek. The creases around his eyes. The burrs tangled in his hair.

The light and love shining in his eyes.

I cupped his stubbled cheeks in my hands. Heart singing with joy.

“I love you, Jamie.”

His smile was a thousand radiant suns.


End file.
